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Young and dumb, is what most people think. But thats not true, just confused a little, but who isn't? It is not life or worth living if everything was simple, it has to be worth fighting for or take some effort or it doesn't mean as much.
Have you ever noticed you put yourself in situations that you will never be able to come out on top of? Well I do. I get it in my head that i can make it work or change whats going on to work out in my favor. I started dating this guy 6, 7 months ago knowing music would always come before me and I am O-K with that, it's everything else that comes before me too that I have a problem with. It seems I put all this effort into it and he puts forth none. I go to all his shows and try t get as many people as I can to come too. I do everything I can to make him happy while he even said," Why should I care about your happiness?" Right there, I should have known to walk away, but not me. I get in my head that things will change and that he just needs sometime bc it has been years since he has been in a relationship. I know I need to stop making excuses for him and tell him things need to change now or I gone. That is so much easier said than done though. In reality, I know if I were to ever say that he would just say, "Bye." I not ready for that to happen, I not ready to let go. I somehow think that he will sooner or later see what is staring at him in his face and just wake up. So, what do I until then? Continue doing backbends and just wait for him to arch his back just a little?My job is to entertain people, I don't really have the energy to continue entertaining him as well. Why did we ever start playing all these games? Why can't things just be simple anymore? Why can't it be a 2 way street, instead of a 1? How is it sooo easy for someone to constantly take from someone else, but NEVER give anything back? I only have to give as much as I have been given. Now, knowing that is true, everytime he takes something, he is taking a part of me and not giving it back. Eventually, he will have taken all of me and I have tried to explain time and time again that he is ruining me. I am one of the most generous and honest person you will ever meet. I am the type of person to do anything for anyone, even if I don't even care for them. BC to me if I can do something to make someone else happy or brighten their day, that makes me happy. But slowly but surely if people keep taking advantage of this it will make me a bitter person and I won't wanna do anything for anyone. So, my question is why do I do this to myself and why can't I just get outta this rut?? Love makes you do stupid things and maybe one day he will return what I have done for him. BC right now it's too little, too late and when he wakes up I will probably be gone.
